The Commissioner’s Warning

Posted on by Commish

A friendly reminder from the SPFL Commissioner’s Office: The SPFL trade deadline is next Thursday. This means you have approximately 168 hours to convince another grown man or woman that your fourth WR is worth his/her #2 RB. Trade responsibly, read the fine print, and remember that the Commissioner cannot protect you from your own stupid misstakes.

Heading into week 10, the Piranha Brothers are opening up a little breathing room in the Tommy Boy Division with their 8-1 mark. A full two games separate them from the second place Bright 1s (6-3), who are starting to look a little nervously behind them with two 5-4 teams REALLY interested in trying to steal that runner up wild card spot. Behind the Moops and Ladds, the 3-6 Monkeys may be too far gone for a postseason comeback, but they’re giving it a shot with a nearly 180 point output last weekend. And finally, in the basement, but fresh off erasing that goose egg on his record are the 1-8 Bitter Midgets.

Over in the Matt Foley Division, Heath’s Heroes fell to 7-2 after a Mayberry Shakedown, but the Oysters were unable to take advantage and remain a game back at 6-3. The Corn, who’ve always known how to score points, have now figured out how to win games and are surging up the standings, now over .500, at 5-4. Another late bloomer, the Greased Lightning at 4-5, but piling up big time points for a postseason push. The Turf Turtles, still unimpressive in the standings at 3-6, are still within reach of that total points berth. Finally, the Ghost of Megatron, at 1-8, has officially moved into draft prep mode for next season.

If the playoffs started today, the Brothers would be the one seed, with the Heroes at #2, both enjoying a week off. The 3 seed would be the Bright 1s with the Blue Oysters claiming the fourth seed and the other runner up wild card. The Corn would have the fifth seed, and with currently THE MOST POINTS OF ANY TEAM IN THE LEAGUE (!), are looking pretty comfy at gaining some type of playoff berth. But, finally, some new blood, as Greased Lightning has taken over the #6 spot, bypassing the Turtles by approximately 40 points. The Monkeys, Moops, and Ladds bring up the rear of the gasping playoff hopes this season.

(Forgive the number of Kirk Cousins related memes this week, but it was a gold mine. But first, admire Josh Allen avoiding the Laura Rutledge Danger Zone.)

Moops 118 – Heroes 95: The Moops picked up a critical victory, giving the Heroes their second loss of the season. As Sunday night football began, it appeared that the Moops were going to cruise to victory as their QB, Caleb Williams looked ready to put up 400 yards and 4 touchdowns. In the end, the only 4 he put up was four picks, but it was still enough to lead Mayberry to victory with his 21 points. Jonah Coleman pitched in with 20. The Heroes were led by Joe Burrow (34) and Amon Ra St Brown (16).


Corn 143 – Ladds 100: The Corn cruised to victory, led by Purdy Brock (28) and the ageless CMac (24). The Ladds were juuuuuust able to crack that century mark, thanks to Old Man Kelce (19) and Jayden Daniels (16).


Midgets 155 – Turtles 110: The Midgets got off the schneid, thanks to their sweet trade acquisition QB, Jordan Love (39) and CeeDee Lamb (36). The Turtles finally showed some relative point mortality, led by Matthew Golden (32) and Parker Washington (17).


Anybody else wishing that they’d have given BTJ his parole/trade? 

Monkeys 179 – Megatron 75: The Thunderous ones gave out the spanking of the week, posting a triple digit victory. JaMarr Chase (33), Bucky Irving (30) and the Chiefs D (22) would have been enough to overcome the Ghost’s ghastly lineup, which was led by the Texans D (16) … and drumroll … Joe Milton (15), who may have reached his professional pinnacle by gaining mention in an SPFL Recap.


Lightning 171 – 1s 133: I guess this one was the game of the week, as the Lightning kept up their resurgence led by Puka Nacua (36) and Javonte Williams (24). Lightning ownership was dismayed by Nacua’s knee injury and trip to the IR, but addressed that concern by acquiring up and coming Milton target, Makai Lemon, who should pick up the scoring for the team … next week. The Bright 1s were led by Christian Watson (30) and Dak Prescott (24), but were equally dismayed to see their $100 Man, Josh Jacobs’ finger turn into jelly in another man’s facemask on Sunday.


Brothers 145 – Oysters 90: And finally, the Brothers continued their domination, led by KW3 (38) and Luther Burden (23), not even missing a beat when Ladd McConkey injured himself putting on his pants last week and posting a goose egg. The Oysters just had one of those weeks, led by Bijan Robinson (28) and Josh Allen (15) facing the Purple People Eaters. (Which, as a side note, was my death knell in a chop league I was looking very promising in — until Josh’s weak effort and … yep, Josh Jacobs’ jelly finger.)


NEXT WEEK

  • Moops/Oysters
  • Ladds/Heroes
  • Midgets/Lightning
  • Megatron/Brothers
  • Turtles/Monkeys
  • 1s/Corn

It’s another one of those weird cross-divisional weeks that seem … uninspiring this late in the season. But some teams need Ws and some need points, as the regular season is nearing the homestretch. Focus on those lineups!

The Commish

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