Tonight’s NFL matchup will carry us back to the “good old days”. Two glorious uniforms will be on display with the classic Orange Crush Broncos gear going up against that royal blue and silver menagerie of the Seattle Seahawks. I will probably find myself scanning the sidelines for Randy Gradishar, Steve Largent and some oversized shoulder pads. I can’t wait. Nostalgia is a real affliction after 50, let me tell ya.
Those same good old days also hearken back to a simpler time — when NFL teams understood the concept of time itself. I have never in my life seen a dumber ending to a game than the Washington/Giants fiasco last Sunday. And I’m a Cowboys fan!! I texted my cousin, a Washington fan, seconds afterwards saying what I just wrote, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen.” His reply? “Can’t type, I have my head in my hands.” I guess I shouldn’t be surprised after I saw the video of the Washington field crew marking off the yard lines before the game:
Obviously I’m joking, but this was an actual Winston Salem State game this weekend. What gets me is the little curly cue at the top of each one.
I heard an incredible NFL stat on the radio at lunch today. The Atlanta Falcons are the first team in NFL history to have four different QBs thrown an interception within the first ten passes of their season — Cooper Rush, Jack Strand, Michael Penix, and Tua Tagovailoa. Rush lasted the longest — he didn’t throw a pick until his seventh pass of the season. Strand was on pass one. Penix and Tua both waited until throw three. That is wild. And that stat is for all teams through a whole season — and the Falcons pulled it off in five games. Kudos.
One last NFL thing before I get to what we’re all here for, I thought it would be fun to share the Commissioner’s Top Ten and Bottom Five teams at this point in the NFL season. You know, since I’m so prescient with my NFL predictions.
- San Francisco 49ers: Pains me to type it, I am not a Kyle Shanahan fan, but he has my respect.
- Kansas City Chiefs: Pains me even more. No explanation needed.
- Buffalo Bills: I don’t know, just seems like they have that “find a way to win” look to them this season. And Josh Allen — winning on the field and at home.
- Seattle Seahawks: Wouldn’t they like to go back in time and have re-signed KW3 instead of Shaheed? Still a formidable opponent I think.
- Baltimore Ravens: I keep expecting them to fall off the cliff, but they just don’t.
- LA Rams: Much better than their record, I’m afraid. Especially with no more Thicker Kicker.
- Jacksonville Jaguars: Who wouldn’t like to see a real Jacksonville postseason run?
- Minnesota Vikings: I’m just iffy on that offense, but dang it, I think K O’C will figure it out.
- NE Patriots: Drake Maye is back.
- Detroit Lions: Dang it, has their window closed?
How many of those 10 can you see in the Super Bowl? For me … it’s probably … the top six?
- 32. Tennessee Titans: They look absolutely hopeless to me.
- 31. LA Chargers: How? Just … how? Those powder blues deserve some postseason exposure. Not gonna be this year.
- 30. Miami Dolphins: I know they’re tanking, but I think they’re showing some pluck in a few places.
- 29. Washington: See intro above. I don’t see how Quinn lasts much longer.
- 28. New Orleans Saints: Those first couple of weeks appear to have been fool’s gold.
As for the SPFL, we have some interesting things afoot. Five weeks in, I guess we can start talking about it. If the playoffs started today, Heath’s Heroes and the Piranha Brothers would be the top two seeds and gets byes as division champs. The Blue Oysters and the Bright 1s would be 3 and 4, respectively, as divisional runners up. But those five and six seeds to the top scoring teams? The 2-3 Yesterday’s Corn and the 1-4 Tennessee Turf Turtles! That is kinda cool if you ask me. And the points are not really that close at this juncture.
And after a decade or two, I realized that Yahoo offers a dropdown tab on the standings where you can select “projections” and it shows these same six teams as the top projected records and points at the end of the season.
Of course, you have to take that with a grain of salt. Yahoo also projected the Lightning as the best team after the draft. (Cue drum beat announcing a punchline…)
The Game of the Week in the SPFL was between the two winless teams!
Megatron 112 — Midgets 110: It looked like the RB poor Midgets were finally going to get that W until Megatron’s Khalil Shakir broke loose late on Monday night (with one catch in overtime!) to push the Ghost over the finish line. The Vikings D (24) and Braelon Allen (21) were leading scorers while the Midgets relied on Jared Goff (32) and, once again, Brock Bowers (28). The Midgets GM has asked if anyone sees any spare RBs anywhere to let him know, as he’s lost Judkins, Henderson, and Sanders in one weekend.
1s 216 – Turtles 185: Okay, this might have actually been the GOTW. It is no exaggeration to call the Turtles the hard luck team of the year. Once again, they posted an incredible score. One that would have beat all other teams … except the one they were playing. As a consolation, however, the Commish’s wise decision a few years ago to grant playoff spots to high scoring losers makes things look a little brighter. On the other hand, the 1s lineup was just flat out filthy this week. Jahmyr Gibbs put up a forty-burger, Isiah Likely added 37, and the team crossed that magical 200 point mark … even with a starting RB (Monty) putting up a singular point. The Turtles were led by Parker Washington (33) and Stat Padford (30).
Yes, it’s AI. But also don’t you just hate these things? Yes. As a guy sitting on the couch.
Oysters 138 – Monkeys 125: The Oysters did the equivalent of kicking an onside kick with a 40 point lead by taking a victory without even starting a defense! Josh Allen (33) and George Pickens (28) were enough for the Cerulean Ones. The Monkeys hoped against hope that their draft acquisition of Saquon Barkley (0) might pan out, but not this week. Bucky Irving played with Dallas to the tune of 33 points and Garrett Wilson chipped in with 23.
The crazy Parker Washington catch
The Cole Palmer celly
The double bird
This play has it all https://t.co/6Thx8tzgh1
— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) October 11, 2026
Ladds 176 — Lightning 160: The Ladds might be finding their groove. Some midseason trades contributed to 66 points for Higgins while Drake Maye (44) and the Jets D (30) plowed an opening. The Lightning put up some good points which may pay off down the road, thanks to Puka Nacua (37) and TLaw (27).
I find uniform critiquing a fun side gig
Moops 159 — Corn 125: Mayberry finally got back on the winning side thanks to Jaylen Warren (42) and Captain Cook III (26) while the Corn dealt with a semi-pedestrian week, led by JSN and Davante Adams twin 22 point outputs.
Heroes 153 — Brothers 89: And finally, the Heroes took advantage of the Brothers enduring both KW3’s bye week and Jonathan Taylor’s turdy 12 points to take an easy win, thanks to Joe Burrow (31) and Kyren Williams (21). Rhamondre Stevenson (18) and the Jags D (13) provided the bulk of the Piranha’s bite this week.
NEXT WEEK
- Moops/Midgets (Old Brothers Face Off)
- Heroes/Corn (Younger Brothers Face Off)
- Ladds/Monkeys (Trading Buddies Face Off)
- Turtles/Oysters (1-4 TTT are Yahoo favorites over the undefeated Oysters at this point!)
- 1s/Brothers (Ooh. This might be one these teams remember in December)
- Megatron/Lightning (Somebody’s getting a second W!)
Good luck, enjoy those unis tonight!
The Commish
PS — Not quite as fond of these throwbacks this weekend:
