The Unbeaten Are Dead. Long Live the Winless.

Posted on by Commish

Halloween is upon us. Spooky season. For the first time ever, you’ll see me include a hockey video in this post. And a very rare baseball one.

The Blue Oysters finally tasted defeat this week, joining the Heroes and Piranha Brothers among the one loss titans. But lurking in the darkest recesses of the SPFL standings is a team that has accomplished something no other franchise can claim this season.

Seven games. Seven losses. Not a single blemish on an immaculate record of futility.

All hail … the Bitter Midgets. The weird thing is, they don’t really have an awful roster. Jordan Love or Jared Goff at the helm. Cee Dee Lamb and Justin Jefferson out wide. Brock Bowers roaming the middle. I guess it’s the paltry RBs room that has them flummoxed, but kudos regardless. The Bitter Midgets have stared victory in the face seven consecutive weeks and somehow lived to lose another day. Just remember, Midgets. Perfection, once lost, can never be recovered.

With the Oysters first loss, Heath’s Heroes assumes quasi first place in the Matt Foley Division with an identical 6-1 and a head to head victory to lean on. Yesterday’s Corn continues to lose fairly regularly, but are tied for third place with the resurgent Greased Lightning, both at 3-4. The Turf Turtles continue to lose VERY regularly at 2-5, but still pile up those critical points. The Ghost of Megatron, at 1-6, thank their lucky stars that the Bitter Midgets exist.

In the Tommy Boy Division, Piranha Brothers (6-1) maintain their lead, but the Bright 1s are nipping at their heels with a 5-2 mark. The Moops and the Ladds linger at 4-3 and face off this weekend in what could be an important game. Our defending champs, the Thunder Monkeys (2-5) are floundering a little this season while the aforementioned Midgets fall short at 0-7.

If the playoffs started today, it would be Brothers, Heroes, Oysters, and 1’s with the automatic bids while the points wild cards would go to … still the Corn and the Turtles although the Lightning are starting to eat into that deficit. It’s starting to look like the rest of us are going to have to try and fight our way into those runner up playoff bids.

We had a fairly boring week this week in the SPFL, but fantasy football is never truly boring. I saw a meme earlier in the week that said something along the lines, “it was only after I started playing fantasy football that I started seriously thinking about other men’s hamstrings while eating my Sunday breakfast.”


How awesome is that?? 

Ladds 134 — Midgets 112: The Ladds may have traded their way to some refound magic and picked up their fourth straight win, but they were led by their seasonal keepers Drake Maye (32) and Colston Loveland (23). The Midgets were led by Quinshon Judkins (25) and CeeDee Lamb (24), but suffered from a goose egg with Cade Otton in the lineup, an 8 point outing by JJ, and a touchdown-less, pedestrian outing from their stud, Brock Bowers.

Brothers 145 — Moops 116: The Brothers picked up a rather easy, quite disrespectful victory over the Moops, led by Bo Nix (31) and Rhamondre Stevenson (25), while choosing to not even bother with a defense (“we don’t need no stinkin’ defense”). Not to mention having KW3 put up an ugly 11 points. The Moops relied on a Caleb Duo of Williams (24) and Douglas (23).

Turtles 135 — Megatron 112: The Turtles cruised to an in house win, led by Tony Pollard (39!) and Zay Flowers (29). Megatron’s backfield of Ashton Jeanty (22) and Braelon Allen (21) led their scoring.

Lightning 157 – Corn 128: The Lightning have hit a groove, leading the league in scoring this week, thanks to Trey McBride (32) and Javonte Williams (24). The Corn, as usual, were led by JSN (31) and Tee Higgins (26).


Y’all know I’m not much into baseball unless I have a rooting interest, but isn’t a frozen rope from a catcher to nail a base stealer almost a work of art?  

Heroes 146 — Oysters 93: What should have been a showdown … was not, maybe due to some Blue Oyster Byes, but the Heroes made sure it didn’t matter, led by Joe Burrow (33) and Jameson Williams (26). The Blue ones had Bijan Robinson (19) and CJ Stroud (18) pacing their boxscore.


LOL. I never order coffee. I just tell Mrs. Commish if I want “hot or cold” and she takes it from there… 

1s 134 – Monkeys 98: And finally, the 1s picked up win #5, led by Dak Prescott (26) and twin 21 point games from million dollar pickup Josh Jacobs and Jahmyr Gibbs. The Monkeys were led by Bucky Irving (26) and JaMarr Chase (17). The Monkey’s trade acquisition, Saquon Barkley finally saw the field and added 15. But for his still balky hammy, he may have had 60+ against the woeful Cowboys defense.

I can’t get enough of this trend. Impossible not to bob your head along to the music.  

NEXT WEEK

  • Moops/Ladds: This one could have some wild card implications. But probably won’t.
  • Midgets/1s: The Midgets are looking to get that zero off the board, but are punching up at some big bullies in doing so this week.
  • Megatron/Heroes: Kind of a similar situation here, but over in the Matt Foley Division. Can the Ghost pull off the upset?
  • Lightning/Turtles: Ooh, now this one might be fun. Not so much that it matters who gets the W, but who piles up the most points, and by what margin.
  • Brothers/Monkeys: Let’s just say the rest of the TB Division is rooting hard for the simians.
  • Corn/Oysters: Ooh, another good one. Maybe not looking at the standings, but in the points? Yes sir.


Good luck everyone and Happy Halloween! It seems that I lose more and more interest in the holidays with each passing year, but Mrs. Commish and I are going to Barter Theatre this weekend to see Dracula and try to capture some creepy vibes before we head into Turkey Season. I just hope there’s an intermission, so I can go check on the status of other men’s hamstrings.

The Commish

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