Three weeks into the season and I have reached an important conclusion: I don’t know anything about NFL football. Or the SPFL, for that matter. My days of having a grasp of the game and our league have long since passed me by.
I admit it, I spend most all of the second half of summer preparing for football season. I listen to SiriusXM Fantasy Sports on the radio during my commutes. I get email newsletters that I pour over each morning before my days starts. I read camp reports. I do mock drafts. And I confidently pick players that will lead my Mighty Moops back to the gloryland. And I confidently pick NFL teams that will still be playing in February.
Then the actual games start and all that carefully researched and crafted information is crumpled up into a proverbial ball of trash and tossed in the can.
My two Super Bowl picks — the Rams and the Texans — are a combined 1-5. I apologize to all of you who placed a Futures bet with those on teams on FanDuel. I made the mistake of assuming the NFL might make sense this year. To wit:
- The Browns and Raiders in first place.
- The Packers look skanky.
- Last season’s Super Bowl runner up, the Patriots, looks even skankier. In more ways than one.
- Washington beat the mighty defending champion Seahawks last week … even though they were reeling after a spanking by my lowly Cowboys.
- The freakin’ Chargers, who for some reason, I expect/hope will finally break through and have a good season every dang year, are 0-3 and look awful with a capital A.
- The Bengals looked legit after two weeks and finally had a defense. So I pick said D up in multiple fantasy leagues before playing the Old Man last week. And they crap a big striped turd in my fantasy punch bowl.
- And did anyone watch the Monday night game? While I thoroughly enjoyed it, Nick Wright with Fox Sports said something intriguing and I think he may be right. In a 27-7 win by Chicago over Philadelphia — the score could have easily been reversed … if the head coaches changed teams. Think about it. Ben Johnson leading the Eagles and Jalen Hurts against the Bears with Nick Siranni and … Case Keenum (!). Who you takin’? I believe Sirianni’s days are rightfully numbered.
I guess I’m just feeling a little lost and confused at this point. It probably stems from the emotional beating I took last Sunday afternoon when Dallas found yet another maddening way to lose a game. If someone had told me that the Cowboys would hold Derrick Henry to less than 100 yards and stymie him on two fourth downs, I would have chalked up a W on the spot. But no. First and goal with twenty some second left, ready to bust through that goal line to take the lead … and somehow lose without turning the ball over? “Surely they can’t screw this up” is less of a statement by the Cowboys than a way of life.
And you know, I wasn’t even mad afterwards. Just … defeated. Like them, I guess. We’re dying out here, Jerry. I was so disgusted that I couldn’t even watch Sunday night football and watched a rerun of Pretty Woman instead. Yes, I’m bearing my soul this week. I’m not sure how many more years I can take it.
<<Record scratch>> They traded for who? Let’s gooooo!
As for the SPFL, the Piranha Brothers (3-0) have stepped out in front of the rest of the Tommy Boy Division, while the 1’s, the Monkeys, and the Moops (2-1) all linger a game back. Still looking for that first W, the Midgets and the Ladds (0-3) find themselves in the basement. Over in the Matt Foley, the Heroes and the Oysters both sport spotless records so far, while Yesterday’s Corn (2-1) continues to pile up some points. The Turtles (1-2) are another game back while preseason favorite, Greased Lightning and Megatron are both still winless. Take heart, though, Wesley, the Lightning get the imposter Moops this week and Vegas has the Lightning as favorites.
Monkeys 142 – Moops 131: This was a real back and forth affair before the stormy simians came out on top thanks to big Juwan Johnson (28) and Garrett Wilson (26). The Moops were led by twin 22 point outings by Jaylen Warren and James Cook.
1s 170 – Ladds 75: Great day in the morning. This was a beatdown for the ages. Jahmyr Gibbs (43) and Drake London (28) alone nearly had enough to take down Higgins, who are suffering along with all of New England with Drake Maye’s (7) seemingly lost ability to football. Rashee Rice and Kavontae Turpin (15) led the Ladds.
Brothers 155 — Midgets 117: The Brothers kept up their hot start to the season, thanks to Harold Fannin (27) and 23 points each from Ken Walker 3 and the Jacksonville D. The Midgets, still trying to master the art of the waiver wire, were happy to have Brock Bowers (32) back on the field, but were hurt along with Justin Jefferson’s ankle in their effort to pull of the upset.
Corn 186 — Megatron 118: Let’s just say, the Corn have a lot going on, so far this year. Brock Purdy (37) continues to look like a league winner along with JSN (35). Megatron was led by the Purple People Eater D (28) and rookie stud Jeremiyah Love (24).
Oysters 160 — Lightning 93: Another ugly affair with symptoms of some paternal elder abuse as the Oysters continue to announce their back in the groove, led by Bijan Robinson (38) and Deebo Samuel (25). Trey McBride (21) and Javonte Williams (20) led the greasy ones, who couldn’t quite overcome a combined 4 points from their RBs and 11 points from their WRs. Alas, the salve of playing Mayberry this week will probably alleviate the sting of this recap.
Heroes 132 — Turtles 122: Another good one here, as the Heroes narrowly kept their perfect record intact thanks to Joe Burrow (26) and Kyren Williams (23). The Turtles were led by the aforementioned Derrick Henry (24) and Matthew Golden (21).
Next Week — it must be cross divisional week on Yahoo:
- Moops/Lightning
- Ladds/Turtles
- Midgets/Oysters
- Megatron/1s
- Heroes/Monkeys
- Brothers/Corn
One unrelated comment before closing — did anyone see that the NY Times released their Top 100 TV Shows SINCE 2000 this week? It was a fascinating exercise and it wasn’t just one TV critic’s opinion. They polled dozens and dozens of actors and directors and producers and industry insiders, etc., for their own top tens and then combined them all for a conglomerated list.
The #1 best TV show since 2000? Breaking Bad. I can’t disagree. NOTE: The Sopranos premiered in 1999 and was ineligible. They made that quite clear, LOL! Michael will be glad to know that Mad Men finished at #3 behind The Wire. Readers could also send in their top ten and I’m proud to say that six of mine were in the top 100. Breaking Bad, Friday Night Lights (14), Six Feet Under (15), The Americans (17), Ozark (68), and Justified (83). One other note: it never occurred to me to list sitcoms or limited series, or The Office and Veep would have probably made my list and Band of Brothers would have been #1, #2, and #3 for me. It was #28 on the NYT list. Also, Mrs. Commish and I have watched 21/100 on the master list. Looks like we’ve got some offseason work to do!
I just found it interesting. I love a good list for bar room debating. Good luck this week!
The Commish